Marcy
If I added cream to your coffee,
You’d have a panic attack.
Just add a little cream,
Just a little dab of cream

Austin
No

Marcy
That’s why you take your coffee black.

Oh, look at you and your thermos.

Austin
What?

Marcy
The one over there on the floor.
Did you bring it from home?
You brought it from home?
You had it when you walked through the door!

Austin
Big deal!
I know how I like my coffee
‘Cause I’ve got ways I get things done.
I could sit here and list ‘em
‘Cause I’ve got a system
And maybe it’s not crazy fun
But it works for me and my coffee.
It moves me right along
There’s a neat logic to it
It’s just how I do it.
If you think that it’s stupid,
You’re wrong.

So marcy, if you don’t mind, I really am incredibly busy right now…

Marcy
Freeze…

Austin
What?

Marcy
Say cheese!

Austin
So how do you take your coffee?

Marcy
Well that depends on when

Austin
What?

Marcy
I ask the barista,
It’s up to the barista

Austin
Don’t ever say ‘barista’ again.

Doesn’t he find out your favorites?
Oooo, doesn’t that hurt your device?

Marcy
No, he never does,
You know why he never does?
I never go to the same place twice.

Austin
What?

Marcy
I never go to the same place twice!

Austin
Yeah… but….

Marcy
‘Cause I know how I like my coffee.
And I’ve got ways to keep things new.
I am always exploring,
So life’s never boring,
Well, not as boring as you.
So being ‘crazy with coffee’
Is a useful skill to hone.
You don’t have to derive it.
Perhaps if you tried it,
You wouldn’t be drinking alone.

Austin
I’m going to get katherine back.

Marcy
Austin, she’s going to thing you’re insane.

Austin (on the phone)
Katherine,
Hi…
I’m fine.
Listen, I know things have been tough, I just want to say something:
Life is like a pickle.
It starts off smooth,
With no imperfections.
But as it ages,
Surrounded by other pickles,
It becomes something pregnant women crave.
And it craves them.
I love you.
Okay, sure, fine. Alright, yeah.
I’ll talk to you again soon.
Okay.
Bye.

(To marcy)
I’m sorry I made fun of your coffee.
You’re right, I’m wrong.
You’re smart, I’m dumb.
Oh, please be my cupid,
I’m hopeless, I’m stupid.
I’m worthless, no, I’m scum.

Marcy
And also you’re covered with coffee.

Austin
I know…

Marcy
Stop flipping out, it’s all okay.
This isn’t that tragic.
I’ll help you,
I’m magic!
You just need to do what I say.

Austin
Huh. I cannot believe you!
Thank you!
Thank you! Thank you! thank you!

Marcy
I’ll call you tomorrow?

Austin
I am going to write you a thank you card like you have never read.